Tuesday, January 25, 2011

The 4 types of drug cheats.

One of the biggest sporting controversies, especially in the last decade, is the use of performance enhancing drugs. A variety of sports have been affected by drug cheats, and identifying the athletes that were apart of the small selection that did dope, and reprimanding them. The punishments for substance abuse differs tremendously across different sports. Whether it is the 2 year ban in Athletics, or facing federal charges for perjury. Identifying drug cheats has become a game of guess who, and I’m going to identify the different groups of these athletes.

1) The “you cheated, we know you cheated, you know you cheated, can you just admit it please”.

This group, to give it a shorter term, will now be branded “The Bonds/Clemens paradigm”. This group of athletes are the ones who have yet to be indicted of taking PED’s, but the majority of people have used common sense to realise that athletes, like Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens, cheated to place themselves in the sporting pantheon.

These athletes have abused the trust in the people who support them, the people who trusted them, they acted like the cheating girlfriend, betraying the trust of the people who cared of there endeavours.

More often than not, as people, they’re absolute sh*ts.

2) “You admitted it, and your working on regaining our trust, fair play to you

Group 2, or “The Andy Pettite experiment” is the drug cheats who admit it whilst still in the duration of their playing career. Most will admit to it in a tear-filled press conference, where 3 point will be made:

a) “I was naïve, and regretted it immensely”
b) "I was unaware at the time what I was taking"
c) "I’m sorry, and will work to regain the trust people thrusted upon me, time to grow up and make amends."

No problem with the apology, in fact if you had to be in one group, this may be the best to be in, the groups namesake Andy Pettite is regarded as some sort of drug taking Jesus after admitting his HGH use and promising to make amends. Right thing to do, but I always feel people that admit taking PED’s are given an easier ride than they deserve, at the end of the day, they still cheated on all of us.

3) “Oh, too busy for a drug test, hiding something Rio?”

“The Rio Ferdinand paradox” is when you inexplicably fail to attend a standard drug test. Character traits you need to slot into this bracket, is unquestioned arrogance, a lack of common sense, and to be a prima donna, The namesake, Rio Ferdinand, showed all these “qualities” when he received an 8 month ban for his failure to attend a drug test. Although, as he was English, the media rallied around him, gave him a shoulder to moan on and protested he hadn’t done anything wrong. The question needed to be asked. Why? Why couldn’t he turn up to the test? Why not reschedule? Why not tell the tester you wouldn’t be able to make it?

There’s no reason to believe Rio Ferdinand is an innocent man in all of this, and the icing atop the metaphorical cake, is upon returning from the 8 month ban, he held the biggest club in the world hostage over a new contract. That’s like borrowing your friends CD, losing it, then going back an asking to borrow a DVD, it’s obnoxious, rude and arrogance all down to a fine art.

4) “The Lance Armstrong experience”.

This one is different to the rest on two counts.

a) it’s all about one man
b) The public vehemently deny the accusations, more with their heart than head.

Armstrong’s story isn’t a secret, a cyclist diagnosed with testicular cancer, given a very unfavourable recovery rate, overcome adversity, got back on the bike, and annually won cycling biggest prize, the “tour de France” Winning the race 7 times, Armstrong has had to overcome the next challenge, the critics.


Throughout his career, as much as the general public have revelled and been inspired by the tale of courage and commitment, the cynics and sceptics have accused Armstrong’s success being the benefit of PED abuse. Despite testing negative in every test (bar 1 in 1999, which was cleared as a result of a skin cream containing “corticoids”), and retiring for over a year, Armstrong still has to endure constant scrutiny from various governing bodies.

The general consensus is that, there’s a fear he may have taken something during his career, something which is as common as a hot dinner in cycling, with Alberto Contador, a 3 time “tour de France” winner being the latest to test positive, and reports suggesting a lengthy ban will follow.

If Armstrong is to be found to be a drugs cheat, the ripples felt around the world will be similar to when Michael begins to take over the Corleone business in “The Godfather”. It will catch us by surprise, and will strongly change the opinion of his character.

If this were to happen, his record as a cyclist would be in question, but he will still be a cancer survivor, and a inspirational story, but will also be a name etched onto the wall of shame, alongside Marion Jones, Mark McGwire and Alex Rodriguez.

Monday, January 17, 2011

A stream of consciousness

Before the Patriots-Jets game (which after this season, we will never speak of again), I had an idea of recording my thoughts and immediate reactions to all the major aspects of the game, and the coverage of it. Below is my ride of passage from optmism to despair.

21.18 - "Ok Sky, this game is over, 35-17! It's been over for 3 quarters, it's like languishing in an aiport terminal waiting for a delayed flight now, everyone who doesn't support the Bears just want to get to Foxborough, on with it."

21.26 - "Game Over. Bears go to face Sinclair's Packers in the title game. He might stay awake for this one. Anyway, Sky are in the studio now before the Pats game. For all us at home, this can only mean one thing, some "Cadle Magic". I see Bradlee Van Pelt is the guest tonight, have to say, despite looking like a hastily put together James Bond for a halloween party, he's probably one of the better analysts they've got."

21.45 - "Jets punt on their opening drive. Brady enters the field like the sultan of smooth. He ranks up there with Michael Corleone and The Fonz in terms of just being "cool". Pressure is a myth to him."

21.47 - "Welker not starting. Ryan didn't bench Braylon Edwards for a DUI, yet Bellichick will bench one of his star receivers for trash talk. He's like an overprotective dad who doesn't let his daughter go to boy-girl parties. It's why he wins!"

21.52 - "BREAKING NEWS, turns out Tom Brady may actually be human, throws a pick and Gillette stadium goes into complete stunned silence. The silence is reminiscent of when Chris died in "Skins" in terms of initial shock value. Alge Crumpler showed great feet to hustle back and stop it being a "pick six"

21.55 - "The F******g Jets miss the field goal. Nick Folk, you're Folkin useless"

21.58 - "Alge Crumpler is no "spring chicken" says the less than animated Kevin Cadle in his latest comical quip. "Back to the comms"

22.01 - "Welker shows great feet to make his first catch, hauls it in at the sideline, was all about the footwork."

22.06 - "Shayne Graham knocks one over, 3-0 Patriots. Nick Folk, get your notebook out, that's how it's done."

22.19 - "E-mail just read on sky, "Can BenJarvus Green-Ellis become an all time great?" Right, ok, i love "The Lawfirm", but really? All time great, really? He was 4th string last year, this is like asking if Danny Dyer can get his own star in Hollywood. No wonder Americans don't want us to have the regular season game. News just in, there's such thing as a silly question."

22.27 - "Touchdown Jets"

22.47 - "Hawaii Five-O trailer. Wayne Mardles darts theme, that tune is more synonymous with that nowadays. He could make an entrance. Him Undertaker in WWE and Jonathan Papelbon entering the game to close the 9th at Fenway. They're the benchmark of "awesome".

22.54 - "Ummm... that's either a crap trick play or an even worse snap,Jets now have great field position with 1.14 left in the half. Good time to botch a punt."

22.57 - "Touchdown Jets."

23.03 - "Half time. Patriots are like a Star Wars prequel the last few years (since '07), the previous successes are their for all to see, and there are still glimpses of that old magic, but in the grand scheme of things, they peaked, and the new films won't be as good, or as successful."

23.15 - (Nick) "Halling referring to Rex Ryan's gameplan as "doing the bizzo". "Bizzo", the level of the crings of a 40 year old man trying to talk "street" or some variation of street is similar to that of a member of a boyband or a former boyband memeber (looking at you here Robbie Williams) attempt to rap."

23.35 - "Do you remember when you anticipated something you really wanted to have/watch, then it all goes wrong? The Pats are like that today, the Pats are like "Modern Warfare 2".

23.44 - "GRONK GRONK GRONK GRONK GRONK !!! 37 yard pickup. This comeback needs to start, pronto!"

23.51 - "Alge Crumpler! TOUCHDOWN PAAAAAAAAAAATRIOTS! ...Now just need the 2pt conversion to make it a field goal game"...

23.52 - "Sammy Morris is in! 11-14. Myself, twitter and Gillette stadium have all simultaneously become reinvigorated back into life."

00.00 - "Msn, talking to my friend Fraser, "i reckon the momentums shifted the Patriots way now". Within seconds Jets get a touchdown 21-11. Keep your outlandish statements to yourself Fraser. "

00.16 - "Turnover on downs. Jets defence is like the annoying guy whose talking on his phone whilst your sitting near him on the bus. Loud, infuriating, but not going anywhere, tonight the Pats haven't found a way to sound the man out."

00.21 - "Is this sports purgatory? This feels like sports purgatory."

00.26 - "Lets join the comms" A Cadleism. I can;t decide who I would prefer to narrate my life. Kevin Cadle with the sultry summer sun that is his voice. Or Chris "Boomer" Berman, imagine for a second "Ba-Baa-Bac -Back into the living room to watch T.V". That's what I want in a narrator."

00.33 - "Failed onside kick. I'm now suffering from morbid melancholy."

00.35 - "Touchdown Jets"

00.36 - "Prefer baseball anyway"...*facepalm*

00.38 - "If it's raining, i'm going to walk to work, will create a better metaphor."

00.42 - "Touchdown Pats. A going away present for Deion Branch. Unless he stays, then it's just another consolation, either way, Jets are still winning."

00.44 - "Jets win 28-21, if i didn't have to go to work in less than 5 hours, this game may have driven me to hard liquor and a bunch of curse words. Ok, the curse words came anyway. Dropped several F-bombs tonight/this morning."

00.47 - "Jets are celebrating..*sigh*...*a 2nd sigh*... *a final sigh*. Where did i leave the bleach?"

Friday, January 14, 2011

Talking's one thing...

Have you ever been woken up by a monotone, incessant ringing in your ear? This ring is consistently annoying, happens oh so often, and nothing you do can affect it, nothing. Non-stop crap over and over, it’s almost unfathomable.

This NFL season, the human version of this said noise has made itself accustomed to anyone and everyone, from trash-talk, to impersonations to anything for 5 more minutes on the T.V or to be on the back of the papers one more day. I’m looking at you, Rex Ryan.

To start the year, the brash, cocky, charismatic Jets, whilst still annoying, were heading into the season on the back of an appearance in the AFC title game. Their roster were another year older, more experienced, and had a coach that they knew would be behind them all the way. From contractual difficulties on “Revis Island” (before Randy Moss abruptly invaded and dismantled everything inside it), to the media hype, to Ryan signing the NFL tour bus “soon to be champs”. “SOON TO BE CHAMPS”, really? A franchise whose last superbowl win was in 1969. A team whose most recognisable players is more famous for being drunk on T.V than playing football. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HQqIQyT-RuM Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa)

The Jets as a franchise, are sort of like Ben Affleck, they did some good things once, but they were so long ago the majority forget they ever happened. This season though, an solid 11-5 record and clinching the final playoff place in the AFC, Ryan’s incessant drone found its way back into all our ears again. He started before their game at the Colts by taking a shot at Patriots QB Tom Brady, claiming Peyton Manning was the better of the two. Then after defeating Manning’s Colts, Rex said of Brady sunbbing the game to see a broadway show “Peyton Manning would have been watching”. ( Although with a 70 million dollar contract, I’m betting Brady can afford the U.S equivalent of Sky +) Without wanting to fuel another mind-numbingly dull Manning vs Brady debate. Here’s some stats.

Career winning %

Brady .776 (125-36) 1st all time.
Manning .664 (150-76) 4th all time.

Brady vs Manning

Brady 8-4 Manning (2-1 in postseason play)

Superbowl rings

Brady 3-1 Manning (Manning’s career postseason record reads 9-10).

You do the math.

More frustrating, if Rex is Willy Wonka, then one of his oompa-loompa’s decided to get in on the “Let’s bash Brady” game. With Antonio Cromartie quoted as saying “He’s (Brady) an a*****e, f**k him” when asked of his thoughts of Brady celebrating every touchdown in the Pats 45-3 demolition of the Jets earlier in the season.

Even Reggie Jackson, a New York sports legend told Cromartie and Ryan to “Shut up, play football, what are you doing, your not affecting Brady, your wasting time”. Throughout the years, Brady and Bellichick have overcome the majority of obstacles facing them, a double digit underdog in superbowl 36, they won. Back to back superbowls (38 and 39) they won. An undefeated regular season with Brady breaking the record for Touchdown passes. Check!.

The 45-3 drubbing last month wasn’t a true reflection on how this season has gone, the defence has been a lot better than it showed that night. There defence is seen as one of the best in the league. The offence on the other hand is a walking disaster, running back LaDainian Tomlinson has cooled off since the start of the season, the receiving corp have Mark Sanchez throwing the ball to them. Imagine George Lucas directed the “Shawshank Redemption”, think of the disappointment and that’s probably the emotion the Jets receivers silently feel. Although the New York media can’t decide whether he’s Joe Namath or Joey Harrington, here’s some worrying stats to Jet fans.

Passer rating – 75.8 (27th in NFL)
Completion % - 54.8% (29th in NFL)

In games @New England.

25-54 (46%) 300 yards, 1TD 7Int’s.

Sanchez is in the Jets family what Fredo is to the Corleone’s, on the surface he looks like a liability, and for long periods is. Sanchez is 3-1 in the playoffs though, all of which being road games, showing life of having postseason potential, Sunday will be his biggest test yet. Difference being, beating the Patriots will be a lot more difficult than keeping Mo Green sweet like Fredo had to.

Predictions for this weeks games.

Last week I had Saints, Ravens, Packers and Colts. So at this point, I’m 2-2.

Seahawks @Bears

It’s got to end now, hasn’t it? The Seahawks won 7 games this season, the Seahawks, since they made the superbowl a few years back are like Lindsay Lohan, they’ve progressively gone down a bad road, and keeps getting worse, now them winning this game and making the title game will be truly stunning. Imagine 2011 being another drug fuelled year for Lohan, but ending with a box office blockbuster to end the year. Unlikely? My point exactly. Bears win
Bears 31-14 Seahawks

Packers @ Falcons

I have few friends that follow the NFL, but 2 of which that do, one is a Falcons fan, the other a Packer, so rivalry will be a plenty this weekend. The war of words started with some pretty appalling trash talk, the lowlight being “beat one set of birds, now to beat another”. The game itself, Matt Ryan is 20-2 at the dome, have dual-threat running game, and a solid defence. The Packers however, have an elite defence, which over the past 2 game have held the Eagles and Bears to a collective 19 points. They defensive player of the year front runner Clay Matthews stuffing the run and the pass. Then Aaron Rodgers has the ability to dissect any defence, and a new found running will be integral to the Pack scoring a minor upset.

Packers 20-16 Falcons

Ravens @ Steelers.

Two teams that just plain don’t like each other. Two mean defences, two teams with good running games, and two teams with signal callers who can control the game. Joe Flacco is proven on the road in playoff time winning in New England last year and Kansas City already this year. Roethlisberger however has 2 rings. Each team have playmakers everywhere. It’s like choosing between “The Godfather” and “The Godfather part 2”. It’s almost impossible, but as I have to, I reckon it comes down to coaching, so I’m taking the Ravens.

Ravens 24-23 Steelers.

Jets @Patriots

The talking has to stop, for the Jets this isn’t a good thing, last time they talked, and talked and talked, and in the end, it turned out the went the same way as Audley Harrison, all talk, but no substance, and were duly humiliated. It won’t be a 42 point game again, I see it being a close, tense affair especially for the first half, with Brady and the Pats pulling away slightly in the 2nd half and going after Antonio Cromartie as an added bonus.

Patriots 27-17 Jets

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Why sports can take you the brink... and bring you back again.


Football isn’t a matter of life and death…it’s much more important than that”. – Bill Shankly

To many, this quote typifies the passion and the extremes we, as a nation go through on a weekly basis to root for our respective teams. The quote captures the emotions that football fans feel ever Saturday at 5. Between the months of August and May, we live on every game, we discuss the ins and outs of the team, the manager, the ownership, everything. In this country, football is the be all and end all.

My buddy Mark however, an avid football fan himself says the quote exaggerates the countries passion for the sport, and although the sport is a big deal, to take it to the level of “life and death” creates the wrong impression to people that football is more an obsession than a hobby.

In all honesty, he’s right to some degree, especially nowadays where newspapers, websites, radio are all pumped by constant steroidal sports hyperbole. Every little detail of every game is scrutinised, and that’s not just football, it’s across sports. It’s how I imagine being in “Big Brother” must of felt like, knowing nothing you do will go unnoticed, that cameras are everywhere, there are radio stations fully dedicated to sport, it’s a multi-billion pound industry. The biggest thing on the planet. and Football’s the king of it.

The age of 5 is when the gates first opened for me, when I first jumped on the emotional rollercoaster that is Oxford United. Over the ensuing years, the ups and downs of following a team didn’t seem to have a lot of up’s. The team went down like a slalom and kept falling and falling and falling (you get the point).

Like an alcoholic, or drug addict, there’s always a moment where you hit rock-bottom. A moment where it can’t get any worse, where it’s got so bad, the only way is up. For Oxford that came on May 6th 2006, or as it will be known “the day I had my sports epiphany”. On this day, a home game to Leyton Orient. The situation was clear.

Win – Stay in the football League.

Lose – Off the coupon, off the radar, into the doldrums.

Like every “make or break” game, it flowed like a film. The early start where we’re all happy and optimistic (taking a 1-0 lead) yet still shaking like Amy Winehouse in need of a quick fix. The fear was justified as Oxford went on to lose the game.

Have you ever experienced a moment where you and everyone around you falls silent? Where you go from being stricken with nerves to completely numb and ill of feeling? Momentarily you think you are stood by yourself, and it all hits you? This could be the worst moment of your life so far. Every fan of a lower league football teams worst fear is falling out the football league, so when it happens, how do you react? I felt like Stanley did in “Holes” when he first gets to the camp, alone, and in a state of disbelief, pondering how, just how it happened. You start thinking if. “If we won this game”, “if we didn’t concede that late goal”. To this day, my buddy Lewis still feels the need to remind me of Jon Ashton conceding a late penalty at Stockport, subsequently losing the game and Stockport surviving at our expense. That moment was the dagger in our coffin. Ashton, would’ve been expected to receive Bill Buckner treatment, but no, what’s the point? He didn’t give the penalty away on purpose, he was a clumsy player, a solid player who had an innate condition to have moments of completely erratic defending.

But as the days passed, positivity trickled its way back into the fray. The sun still raised and the sun still set. This is when I began thinking “something good will happen one day, we’re are just dealing with the suffering now, and eventually the tables will turn”.

If that’s the death, the life for me happened May 16th of 2010, after being in the said “doldrums” for 4 years, choking in the playoffs once, being thwarted by a points deduction and a year of being a certifiable joke, we finally (and I emphasise finally) had a 1 game playoff to get back to where needed to be. Financially we needed the added revenue from playing the better supported teams in the league above. Our pride needed to get back, no more did we want the snide remarks from Swindon fans, knowing they have ability to throw the “non-league” card in at any point, and their being no response.

Rivalry’s are the pinnacle of sports, but when you’re the least successful side in the rivalry they become less enjoyable, clutching to a good result in the past, which we will do. Resorting to a more glamorous past, which we will. But the embers of a rivalry will burn out if you can’t keep within touching distance of your rival.

Back to the final mission, this to Oxford, was like Rocky’s revenge at Clubber Lang, or Rocky’s revenge at Ivan Drago or Rocky’s revenge at Apollo Creed. It was the final chapter like all of them respective films, the future remains bleak if they lost the game, but the avenues of possibility and ambition open with a win.

Oxford won the game 3-1, THREE FUCKING ONE, two early goals sent me and 10’s of thousands around me into euphoria, like I just slipped into the twilight (not the shit vampire film) zone. Obviously it wasn't over yet. It wouldn’t be sport if it was easy. It your head isn’t filled with doubt and scepticism, you won’t feel the full effect of relief and bliss when you reach your “Everest”. In this instance, we managed to succumb to our disequilibrium by conceding a gal on the stroke of half time. You know the sound when someone tells an offensive joke that isn’t well received or when a young child falls down. That sound, “huuuuuuuuuh” that gasp, the instantaneous response when something shocking happens.

The third Oxford goal, “the clincher” as it will be known will live long in my memory, I can recall the commentary like it was a parable from the Bible. Here it is :

Potter…to Deering……….back to Potter…(ball goes in the net)..OXFORD UNITED ARE BACK IN THE FOOTBALL LEAGUE”.

That right there, created goossebumps on my goosebumps goosebumps. There are few moments in life that you could describe as priceless, this was one. All season you felt something special was happening, but you don’t want to believe in case they let us down again. You keep your spirits down, until that moment when it you finally can go crazy. Like that scene in Scrubs when Carla finally accepts Turk’s proposal, this had the same emotion, that relief, that joy, we know it was always a possibility, but until it was official there was still doubt creeping in our minds.

When that third goal went in, the emotion, the atmosphere... you know what, see it for yourself.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1fvMtHhhr5I&feature=related ( I now think I’ve watched this goal about 347,000 times)

That reaction, that celebration. That’s what a concoction of joy and relief is. That is what it looks like when you finally escape. It’s how Andy Dusfresne felt when he got out of jail in the “Shawshank Redemption” It’s how I felt at that moment.

It’s how a lot of people felt, the next few weeks every time I saw one of my friends, they would say, let’s watch “the Wembley goals”. My Dad was always re-watching them as well, and when I pointed out how many times he’s watched them over about 2 weeks later, his reply summarised the whole point of this article. “There timeless” Moments like that are timeless, moments like that are what you will talk about in the pub in 30 years. Moments like that are why we devote our time to our teams, why we pay hard earned money, because every now and then, they make it worth our while, and give us our fix we wanted, a fix that keeps us addicted and coming back for more.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

5 reasons I hate the Premier League

The turkey’s been eaten, the presents opened and the New Year has brought in. In football, this means one thing, “silly season” has begun. It’s January, therefore the chequebooks are out, teams begin to panic and valuations of players are rising quicker than VAT.

The January transfer window always renews my growing dislike of the Premier league, and I feel like venting my issues with the “best league in the world”.

Here’s 5 things I hate about the Premier League :

1) Delusional clubs.

The last few days, the transfer story grabbing the attention and the headlines of the press hounds has been Ronaldinho’s proposed deal with Blackburn Rovers. Blackburn Rovers new owners have displayed there intent in trying to sign a former “Ballon D’Or” winner, but realistically the chances of a world renowned Brazilian superstar settling in the freezing cold of Lancashire seem highly unlikely.

Ronaldinho playing for Blackburn would be the equivalent of Adrian Chiles pulling Cheryl Cole with his charismatic personality. It’s a good thought, but the chances are slim to non-existent, and in the end it would only end in heartbreak.

Man City – Robinho
Newcastle –Patrick Kluivert
Middlesbrough – Michael Reiziger, Alen Boksic

These should be the only warnings Blackburn need not to sign the buck tooth starlet.

2) The financial aspect

When Arsenal play the tougher team on there schedule (Manchester United, Liverpool, Chelsea, Spurs) the average ticket price at the Emirates inflates by over 120% from £38 to £90. For a team that has seemed reluctant to flex their muscles in the transfer market, to price out a huge portion of there support with there commitment to exploiting the fans that can afford the extravagant prices seems somewhat a proverbial middle finger to the “gooner faithful”.

3) Atmosphere…or the lack of it

Carrying on from the previous point of fans being priced out of games, attendances dropping like the last season of “Scrubs” viewing figures and stadiums quieter than a tense poker game. Newcastle United, a club of proud heritage, pride themselves on their consistently loyal support and there levels of passion for their club. Newcastle have seen drops in there attendance with some games failing to attract 40,000 barcodes at St.James’ Park.
Not only are the stadiums full of more empty seats than a theatre when Tim Minchin’s performing, but there soulless and lifeless. Gone are the days of stadiums like Highbury and the classic European nights at Anfield, stadiums with character and quirks, or an old fashioned raucous atmosphere. Highbury, although never known for it’s atmosphere, is like “Saved By The Bell”. It’s a classic which couldn’t be saved with renovations or spin-off shows, but you never realise how much you liked it until you saw the modern day alternative.

4) Officials/Favouritism

Which two teams have been awarded the most penalties over the last 3 years? And which two teams have garnered the most points in the same time? That’s right, Manchester United and Chelsea. Although it could be consumed as a coincidence. It’s not! The pressure referees are placed under by Alex Ferguson, and Rio Ferdinand and John Terry et al is insurmountable. The fear of being lambasted in the awaiting press conferences and the scrutiny placed over them for future reference. The Premier league and the F.A bowing to the aforementioned wishes. It’s a hard job being a referee.

It also doesn’t help that the head of referees and the man whose example the officals are meant to follow was Keith Hackett. This is similar to making Charlie Sheen the head of the Catholic church.

The bigwigs at the F.A are at fault for a lot of this, their negligence against the bullying the games bigger names place on the referees just even more disparity in an already unfair league.

5) David Beckham

Premier league teams are queuing round the block to talk to David Beckham about coming and playing for there respective team briefly before the MLS season takes shape.

Don’t get me wrong, from the late 90’s to the mid 00’s David Beckham was a magnificent player, his crossing was as precise as any player I can remember. He thoroughly deserved his big money move to Madrid. It’s since leaving Madrid Beckham started becoming an issue to me, lingering onto the limelight like a bad smell. These are my problems with Beckham.

a) He belongs to L.A Galaxy, they signed him, he’s under contract there, yet he assumes every year it’s his divine right to go out on loan to whoever he chooses, risking injury (i.e at Milan last season) and play the whole year round.
b) His sole reason for trying to manipulate a move to the Premier League is so he can keep stealing England caps with 10 minutes performances at the end of games. Beckham has been through a lot with the national team, but him breaking Bobby Moore’s record would be the biggest travesty in British football since England appointing Graham Taylor as manager.
c) He’s basically become the English answer to Brett Favre, he’s been such a great player that you can’t force him out, but deep don we all know he isn’t good enough now he’s older and the whole media circus is becoming a bore.
So, if Spurs, Sunderland and Blackburn have any sense they’ll avoid a 2 month rental of Beckham, stick with the players they have already, and let Beckham ride off into the sunset like a golden silhouette, like a clichéd ending to a western film.